Play is a Four-Letter Word

📷 Matthew A. Wilson

“Matthew, you have too much energy to be inside the house. Go run around the house 5 times.”

My 5 year-old self obliged. Again “Matthew, you still have too much energy to be inside the house. Go run around the house 5 times.”

So I did. Eventually I got the sense they weren’t really paying attention. In fact, they’d forgotten me. I was doing what they asked, it seemed fun (at least, in the beginning it was fun. Wasn’t it? Wait, no one’s watching.)

They ignored me. They always ignored me. It’s what adults do.

Were you ever told ‘You can’t play here,’ or ‘Playing is NOT allowed.’? Yeah. Me too. Play gets you into trouble. Play is a bad word. Also, play-ing can make you look weird. Why? Because play pushes back against convention. Play is, in fact, counter-cultural. Play is a four-letter word. The drive to play is the desire to disrupt in the name of human connection.

The drive to play is the desire to disrupt in the name of human connection.

Our health, both individually and collectively, depends on our ability to reach out, to connect…and play is an immediate way to get outside of ourselves, create meaning in our lives and strengthen our relationships with ourselves, each other and the world.

I’ve used play to transform two places most folks find themselves but rarely want to be: hospitals and gyms. I understand intimately the transformative and health-affirming benefits of play…but not just for kids: for the rest of us, the former-kids, the no-longer children, the grown-ups, the adults. We (adults) understand how exercise, nutrition and sleep impact our health. We’re slowly acknowledging the role social connection ‘plays’ in our health. Play is the catalyst for that connection.

Play is real. Real feelings. Real connection. Play is not innocent, even though that’s how adults tend to describe children at play. Play is messy because we’re messy. We have bias. Play does not eliminate bias. BUT it can create space to encounter each other and meet each other where we’re at, laying a foundation for empathy. That’s what I learned in the hospital as a medical clown. I encountered families navigating the harrowing circumstances of life-changing illness or injury. I crossed paths with staff negotiating over-work and moral injury. I learned to meet folks where they’re at, and co-create a space that interrupted their day-to-day by restoring connection through play.

Play is not innocent

We know play is critical for children, so why don’t we think it’s just as important — if not more so — for adults? Adults need help (heck, we need all the help we can get) but I find most of the advice out there to help adults play is too general.

Or too crunchy.

Or requires an expert.

Or too much skill.

Or is just…wrong. Very. Very. Wrong (written by well-intentioned but often rather boring individuals.)

I believe that this thing we call ‘play’ is one of the most misunderstood concepts in adulthood — and because it’s misunderstood, we (adults) are missing out on one of the easiest, underrated and most accessible tools for transforming our lives.

I believe that this thing we call ‘play’ is one of the most misunderstood concepts in adulthood

However, not all ‘play’ is created equal, so I have 6 criteria for the kind of play that will help forge connection, strengthen friendships and improve your life:

1. It has to involve others
2. It’s not productive — it’s purposeless
3. There’s a time limit (and possibly other constraints to define the game)
4. It must be consensual — players get to opt in…and opt out
5. It’s an end unto itself
6. There’s an element of the amateur or unskilled. Pro-sports don’t count.

So what do you say? Let’s knock on a door or two…and see who wants to come out and play.